I think I am lovely
Despite my broken nose
You can detract from it
By wearing fancy clothes
I think I am beautiful
Although I have cross-eyes
You can detract from that as well
By wearing fancy ties
I think I am beautiful
Even though I've got big ears
I cover them with blankets
When anyone appears.
I think I am beautiful
Although my legs are thin
If people want to see them
I say my legs aren't in
If some folks say I'm ugly
As some folks certainly will
I get out my rottweiler
And say kill kill kill.

--- Spike Milligan (Feas, Knees and Hidden Elephants 1995)